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Animal Communicator

by Robin Bienemann

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1.
TMI 03:33
You sure like to share a lot of information. I appreciate that you’re not shy … but … Before you start to show me The scars from your operation wait … That’s T.M.I. T.M. … … I am the kind of guy who likes to maintain a little mystery. I kind of feel like I should not be privy to your whole life history. Before I start to cry and create An awkward situation wait … That’s T.M.I. Let’s have a drink or two and relax the limits of propriety. We should keep a few secrets just between you And the pages of your diary. The details of your life hold such endless fascination. And I’m so very grateful for this time … but … Let’s both be reminded it’s just Our second conversation wait … That’s T.M.I. T.M. … … I am the kind of guy who likes to maintain a little mystery I kind of feel like I should not be privy to your whole life history Before you decide to disseminate Too much information wait … That’s T.M.I. That’s T.M.I. That’s T.M.I. That’s T.M.I. That’s T.M.I. T.M.I.
2.
I met her at a dog park in New York City. She was laughing at a joke that I couldn’t hear. She told me that her work is gonna keep her pretty busy Through the end of next year. How ’m I gonna get some time on your calendar? I should book a slot, at your office downtown, For my cat and my salamander. Animal communicator. She’s got a lot goin’ on. Animal communicator. Animal communicator. I never know when my call is gonna find her with a Lonely prima donna hippopotamus in a pond. I’m tryin’ to make a date with her. Animal communicator. She’s got a lot goin’ on. Animal communicator. Animal communicator. She’s getting ready for another four-day seminar In northern California and she’s still not done. I wish that you could stay later animal communicator. She’s got a lot goin’ on. Animal communicator. Animal communicator. I like everything about her but she’s Booked up solid through December. I’d like to find a way to climb to the top her agenda. Between the creatures at the Zoo, and all the King’s horses, She’s got a lot to do and she’s not slowin’ down. But I’m building a rapport with the dog next door. Now we got a lot goin’ on. ‘Cause I’m an animal communicator. Animal communicator Animal communicator.
3.
More Love 04:04
When a man loves a man, well there ain't no shame. It’s pretty much like when a guy loves a dame, Except the parties involved have the same equipment. Aside from that, it’s not very different. In fact, it’s almost exactly the same. It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. When a lady loves a lady, well that’s totally fine. You see sex can be flexible by design. It’s a beautiful thing when adults come together Romantically and it don’t matter whether They’re of the same gender if they’re of the same mind. It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. When a man sees a man and can’t help but imagine him Stripped to his blue jeans, bare chest and abdomen. Or when a woman fancies a pretty girl, The nape of her neck so perfectly vertical, Her hips so round she can imagine her hands on them. It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. We should spend our lives in passion and romance. We mustn’t squander these passing moments. Let’s welcome these couples into family life. You know, husband with husband and wife with wife, In sickness and health, and with shared insurance. It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. You might not be used to a dude with another Dude, but it’s cool if they’re in love with each other. Who’s to judge if their Love rings true? If they happen to be among the fortunate few Whose affections can make each other’s hearts flutter? It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. Before you say “gays have gone too far !” Consider how messed up some heteros are. They get dressed up like boys and girls, Then shoot at each other with poison arrows From opposite sides of the family car. It’s a good thing. More Love in the World is a good thing. The more you bring the more we get to sing about it. Who’s to say who shouldn’t and should? More Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good. More Love in the World is, Love in the World is, Love in the World is good.
4.
Relapse 01:18
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 15, I don’t know how many. I remember this street. Rewind, repeat. We’ve been here, but here we go again. Oh man, if I only had a dime. This is the I – don’t – know – how – manieth time. Looks like we’re back. How ’m I supposed to keep track? I try, but I can’t count that high. If I only had a dime. This is the I – don’t – know – how – manieth time. If you left me a tip for every time around I guess I’d be rich and retired by now. It’s like déjà vu on a Möbius strip With only a headache and bruise to show for it. I never got a cent for all the time I spent. Not this time nor the time before. If I only had a dime. This is the I – don’t – know – how – manieth time. If you left me a tip for every time around I guess I’d be rich and retired by now. It’s like déjà vu on a Möbius strip With only a headache and bruise to show for it. I never got a cent for all the time I spent. Not this time nor the time before. If I only had a dime. This is the I – don’t – know – how … I – don’t – know – how … I – don’t – know – how – manieth time.
5.
Cowboy Boots 04:01
I’m a red-blooded man, But I’m a little bit shy. I’ll just sit back and let you loosen up my bolo tie, And take off my hat. Just set it on that rockin’ chair. But I can never be completely relaxed when my feet are bare. Let’s wear our Birthday suits and our cowboy boots. I got a comfort zone even in my own home When it’s time to unwind. No need to expose our ankles and toes. When it’s time to hang loose in our birthday suits, Well boots suit me just fine. I love how you accessorize, And what you do with your hair. And your clothes always flatter you No matter what you do or don’t wear But when I hear your boots comin’ down the hall I’d like to see you wearin’ almost, but not quite, nothin’ at all. All alone in our Birthday suits and our cowboy boots. I got a comfort zone even in my own home When it’s time to unwind. No need to expose our ankles and toes. When it’s time to hang loose in our birthday suits, Well boots suit me just fine. When the lights go out let’s leave two things on. Whenever we’re together I like to see a little bit of Leather when I look down. Let’s hang around in our Birthday suits and our cowboy boots. I got a comfort zone even in my own home When it’s time to unwind. No need to expose our ankles and toes. When it’s time to hang loose in our birthday suits, Well boots suit me just fine. When it’s time to hang loose in our birthday suits, Well boots suit me just fine.
6.
DDT 04:04
Mosquito. Now there’s a species I’d like to endanger. Stop her comin’ at us with that “buzz buzz”. Maybe change her status from “Is z zzzz zz” to “was”. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in. Mean little mosquito and the mighty Peregrine. It just made the little skeeter just a little meaner, And the Peregrine’s eggshell thin. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in. Peregrine Falcon. She’s badder than the cheetah that she’s faster than. A master assassin, but not like the mosquito. See a skeeter’s even scarier. She’ll make you very sick ‘Cause she a carrier of Zika and Malaria. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in. Mean little mosquito and the mighty Peregrine. It just made the little skeeter just a little meaner, And the Peregrine’s eggshell thin. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in. After W. W. TWO they sprayed the D.D.T. On every single surface, but they wasted it. Well they killed a few at first, but the mosquito was tenacious, And soon she even learned to like the taste of it. They worried about that birdy ‘cause her eggs were crackin’ early. It appeared to be the end of the Peregrine. But then the U.S.A. started the E.P.A. And the Peregrine up there took to the air again. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in. Mean little mosquito and the mighty Peregrine. It just made the little skeeter just a little meaner, And the Peregrine’s eggshell thin. D.D.T. nearly did ‘em both in.
7.
Where, oh where, did the Dodo go go? What what did the Dodo do do to you you? Did did the Dodo go go away like the Dino? No no no. Why why did the Dino die die? Well well. Here’s what the Dino did not know know: The poor Dinosaur never saw the meteor before it hit the Floor of the Yucatan, like a bomb. An extinction event. Heaven-sent and Hell-bent on Making a dent in the lizard population. A complete annihilation Of their schools and their businesses. Their banks and their farms. Their religion could not save them. The Dinosaur nation was gone … Except for Birds. The Birds. Well the Avians found a way to hang on. The Robins and the Ravens lived to sing their favorite songs. With that problem solved, well lo and behold, the old Dodo evolved. Not like a crow, but a far cry more like a pigeon that didn’t need to fly. She was sure not smart, and sure not very pretty. So she settled into Dodo domesticity. Where, oh where, did the Dodo go go? What what did the Dodo do do to you you? Fast forward some millennium: the Indian Ocean. Now if we park our car on Madagascar Mauritius is just to the East of us. Not far. And history teaches us the beaches of Mauritius Were covered in the feces of the most auspicious of all lost species. This tropical isle was the Dodo domicile. Well how did their numbers shrink to none? How did they sink into complete oblivion? Unlike the Dino, the Dodo stared into the deep Dutch eyes of the agent of her demise. ‘Cause it was a hungry Dutchman hit the pigeon with a bludgeon. And did the double-dutch with a club upon the Dodo’s dome On the beach that was the Dodo’s home. And then he did another one Until the Dodo dominion was all done. Where, oh where, did the Dodo go go? What what did the Dodo do do to you you? Well the Dodo did not live to see a choo choo. And the Dodo probably never ate a bon bon. But she might have had a maki maki sushi Because it lived right there by the deep blue sea. See? Where, oh where, did the Dodo go go? What what did the Dodo do do to you you? …Do do to you you? …Do do to you you? What did the Dodo do to you?
8.
Sloane’s Urania was indigenous to the Lowlands of Jamaica, it no longer exists. It was a beautiful bug, but so dangerous. Sloane’s Urania is an ex-insect. Gone long before the Internet. Well “Sloane’s” on my phone now just spell-corrects to “slowness”. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania. If I found one on my patio, its poison wings might send me to the Hospital or worse, unless I killed it first. If not for its extinction, I shudder in my shoes to think, if it had been allowed to live and flutter off my windowsill, just who that moth might kill. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania. A diurnal lepidopteran is rare. Most moths prefer the cool night air. Sloane’s Urania was unusual. It would sleep all night, even when the Moon was full. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania. Sloane’s Urania.
9.
Chick Magnet 04:14
Observe, hypothesize, predict, and test. Observe, hypothesize, predict, and test. Observe, hypothesize, predict, and test. I said “Science is sexy”. Repeat after me, I said “Science is sexy”. (Answer:) Science is sexy. Observe, hypothesize, predict, and test. It’s a scientist’s creed, their sacred text. Now if you say it slow and it sounds like sex. Observe. Hypothesize. Predict. And test, oh yes, I said “Science is sexy”. Repeat after me, I said “Science is sexy”. (Answer:) Science is sexy. Well, I am not attractive but I ain't no fool. I attract girls with a magnetic tool. And I learned about it 'cause I paid attention in school. I got a … Chick Magnet. I got science on my side. I got a Chick Magnet. It's horseshoe-shaped, and it’s two feet wide. I got a Chick Magnet. Well the girls draw close when I carry it around. I got a Chick Magnet. It's polarized and weighs sixteen pounds. I said “Science is sexy”. Now repeat after me, I said “Science is sexy”. (Answer:) Science is sexy. Well, Science is sexy, just ask any girl. Scientists are smart and thoughtful and thorough, And they don't do stupid things like divide by zero. No, Science is sexy. Repeat after me, I said “Science is sexy”. (Answer:) Science is sexy. I carry it around over my shoulder. You boys will understand when you get older. Don't ask me again Son, I told you, it's a … Chick Magnet. I got science on my side. I got a Chick Magnet. It's horseshoe-shaped, and it’s two feet wide. I got a Chick Magnet. Well the girls draw close when I carry it around. I got a Chick Magnet. It's polarized and weighs sixteen pounds. I said “Science is sexy”. Repeat after me, I said “Science is sexy”. (Answer:) Science is sexy. Well, Science is sexy. Just ask my friends who are in the scientific disciplines, Like old Albert Einstein, with that voice and those hands. I said “Albert is sexy”. Now repeat after me, I said “Albert is sexy”. (Answer:) Albert is sexy. And Science is sexy. (Answer:) Science is sexy. I'm off to the Magnetic North Pole because Attraction is a function of the natural laws And that’s why everybody loves Santa Claus. He's got a … Chick Magnet. He’s got science on my side. He got a Chick Magnet. It's horseshoe-shaped, and it’s two feet wide. He got a Chick Magnet. Well the girls draw close when he carries it around. He’s got a Chick Magnet. It's polarized and weighs sixteen pounds.
10.
Polly keeps her lovers on her phone to remember How they sound when she’s traveling or home all alone. She records them on a voice memo or her camera. She’s got a lot of lovers. She’s Polly Amorous. Well Polly’s not a S - L -U - T just because she Hasn’t got a policy of exclusivity. Before we say “Shame on Polly”, shame on us. So she’s got a lot of lovers, she’s Polly Amorous. Raise your hand if you believe that Polly doesn’t need To tie monogamy with happiness. Good! It’s unanimous, ‘cause Polly doesn’t buy it. She’s unapologetically Polly Amorous. Well, Polly gets to live however Polly chooses. One lover pays the bills, and another one amuses her. She’s not less moral; she’s more or less, Just got a lot of lovers. She’s Polly Amorous. Well maybe she’ll find some dude some day With whom she’ll want to tie the knot. From what I know about Polly, It’s possible, but, probably not. Well, Polly wants a cracker with some caviar. And then she’ll go to dim sum with a different gentleman. Polly’s not a damsel in distress, she’s just Got a lot of lovers. She’s Polly Amorous.
11.
Hey Haikuer 04:29
Hey Haikuer. I’d like to be more like you are Haikuer. My poetry, syllabically, has too many. The haikus you produce have fewer Haikuer. Brevity is king. Seventeen should be plenty. You set each word like a jeweler Haikuer. Every time you tie your shoe you find something new Haikuer. Mathematically each line is prime. Five, seven, five with no rhyme scheme. Seventeen shish kabob pieces on your table, And you impale them on your skewer Haikuer. Every day, a new bouquet of flowers from manure Haikuer. I’d like to be more like you are Haikuer. Haukuer I don’t know how you do it. Have a thought and just haiku it. You must have a high haiku I. Q. Haikuer. No need to be Japanese to make one. It’s just a recipe for poetry. Just don’t fill it full of extra syllables. They’ll make it longer but not truer Haikuer. Every time you tie your shoe you find something to haiku. Haikuer. I’d like to be more like you are Haikuer.
12.
Downlow 03:00
Let’s keep it on the down low. Don’t everybody need to know, and make a fuss about it. How’s about we keep it just between the three of us. For now, let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. No need to carry on. Let’s keep it off the evening news. They wouldn’t understand like we do anyhow. For now, let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Now if they knew more about it, well their mind would blow With a terrible sound and a mushroom cloud, so, for now, Let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Now if they knew more about it, well their mind would blow Like orange-hot lava from a hole in the ground so, for now, Let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. How ‘bout an audience of none? Why don’t we take it nice and slow? Let’s make a vow to keep the comments to a minimum. For now, let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Down low. Let’s keep it on the down low. Down low.
13.
Undone 03:26
Dishes. Shoe laces. Books with five hundred pages. The laundry increases. Puzzles with five hundred pieces. Forgive me for all I leave undone. Undone. Undone. My senses are heightened, I know, Like a child with a kite. Beguiled by light and shadow. Forgive me for all I leave undone. Undone. Undone. I’m sorry my progress is slow, And the laundry’s still piled. Beguiled by light and shadow.

credits

released May 20, 2021

Words & Music: Robin Bienemann
Guitar & Lead Vocal: Robin Bienemann
Bass: Elias Broxham
Drums: Jerry King

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